I'm not sharing this post via facebook/twitter because it is personal and I'm treating it more like a journal entry... so here goes nothing.... At least I know if you're reading this it's cuz you're a true follower ;-)
The last couple of weeks have been really hard on me. I've cried myself to sleep (more than once), gotten in a fight fight(s) with Tim, been disappointed countless number of times, and just been miserable all together. What the hell is wrong with me right? I'm normally sarcastic, cracking jokes, and the life of the party.... Well folks, when there is no party it's hard to be the life. I still have yet to meet anyone in this weird-ass city. No friends=No party.
Then, the main that's been bothering me is my brother. If you know Grady you know how immature, rude, crude, selfish, and stupid my brother is. This being said, since my parents divorced he has decided he is no longer going to talk to my mom because "When she walked out on my dad, she walked out on him too". THIS STATEMENT INFURIATES ME!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, it's a dumb reason to begin with. Second of all it couldn't be further from the truth. My mom has made numerous attempts to get Grady to go visit her or meet her for dinner. He never responds. He used to only call her if he needed alcohol or money and now he doesn't even do that anymore. But she still texts him EVERY THURSDAY saying "Hope your week is going good, I love you". He never responds. His behavior is absolutely childish and makes me so upset. My mom is crushed by him doing all of this. It's not fair to her. He wants to be pissed at her for divorcing my dad... that's just bullshit. My dad did a lot, and I mean A LOT, of horrible things over the past 20+ years and my mom was a friggin SAINT and stayed with him through it. While my dad was crushing my moms heart and hurting the family, my mom was putting on a strong face for Grady and I and did EVERYTHING for us. Birthday parties, field trips, vacations, christmas presents, dinner cooked every night, spoiled us rotten- my mom did it all! My dad could have cared less about any of that stuff when we were growing up... and now all of a sudden Grady wants to turn his back on my mom and completely cut her out of his life and is gonna live with my dad???? WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTT? Don't get me wrong I love my dad. He is one of the strongest people I know. He has overcome something that most people don't and I respect the shit out of him for that, but Grady isn't looking at the big picture he. And, it's not like you can have a normal, mature, conversation with Grady either. If you try to talk to him he just brushes you off "WHATEVER JESSICA" "okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk" that's all you get out of Grady. It's starting to make me more upset than it is my mom. What if something happened tomorrow and this was how their relationship ended? It seriously is making me cry right now thinking about it. The 4 of us, yeah we're probably one of the strangest families out there, but we are were so close and it just makes me so upset to think how now that my family is broken as it is, it just became even more broken because my brother is an idiot. I'm crossing my fingers he comes to his senses sooner than later and it can go back to the way it used to be... kinda.
Moral of the story: I dont know what to do about my brother, I need a girlfriend here, and I miss my mom terribly and just wanna give her a huge hug right now and kick my brother in the balls. The end. Ugh, I still don't feel better and now just cried off mascara. FML
xoxo
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