Letting it all out...

I'm not sharing this post via facebook/twitter because it is personal and I'm treating it more like a journal entry... so here goes nothing.... At least I know if you're reading this it's cuz you're a true follower ;-)

The last couple of weeks have been really hard on me. I've cried myself to sleep (more than once), gotten in a fight fight(s) with Tim, been disappointed countless number of times, and just been miserable all together. What the hell is wrong with me right? I'm normally sarcastic, cracking jokes, and the life of the party.... Well folks, when there is no party it's hard to be the life. I still have yet to meet anyone in this weird-ass city. No friends=No party.

Then, the main that's been bothering me is my brother. If you know Grady you know how immature, rude, crude, selfish, and stupid my brother is. This being said, since my parents divorced he has decided he is no longer going to talk to my mom because "When she walked out on my dad, she walked out on him too". THIS STATEMENT INFURIATES ME!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, it's a dumb reason to begin with. Second of all it couldn't be further from the truth. My mom has made numerous attempts to get Grady to go visit her or meet her for dinner. He never responds. He used to only call her if he needed alcohol or money and now he doesn't even do that anymore. But she still texts him EVERY THURSDAY saying "Hope your week is going good, I love you". He never responds. His behavior is absolutely childish and makes me so upset. My mom is crushed by him doing all of this. It's not fair to her. He wants to be pissed at her for divorcing my dad... that's just bullshit. My dad did a lot, and I mean A LOT, of horrible things over the past 20+ years and my mom was a friggin SAINT and stayed with him through it. While my dad was crushing my moms heart and hurting the family, my mom was putting on a strong face for Grady and I and did EVERYTHING for us. Birthday parties, field trips, vacations, christmas presents, dinner cooked every night, spoiled us rotten- my mom did it all! My dad could have cared less about any of that stuff when we were growing up... and now all of a sudden Grady wants to turn his back on my mom and completely cut her out of his life and is gonna live with my dad???? WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTT? Don't get me wrong I love my dad. He is one of the strongest people I know. He has overcome something that most people don't and I respect the shit out of him for that, but Grady isn't looking at the big picture he. And, it's not like you can have a normal, mature, conversation with Grady either. If you try to talk to him he just brushes you off  "WHATEVER JESSICA" "okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk" that's all you get out of Grady. It's starting to make me more upset than it is my mom. What if something happened tomorrow and this was how their relationship ended? It seriously is making me cry right now thinking about it. The 4 of us, yeah we're probably one of the strangest families out there, but we are were so close and it just makes me so upset to think how now that my family is broken as it is, it just became even more broken because my brother is an idiot. I'm crossing my fingers he comes to his senses sooner than later and it can go back to the way it used to be... kinda. 

Moral of the story: I dont know what to do about my brother, I need a girlfriend here, and I miss my mom terribly and just wanna give her a huge hug right now and kick my brother in the balls. The end. Ugh, I still don't feel better and now just cried off mascara. FML

xoxo

What I'm Lovin' Wednesday

Happy Hump Day Errbody!! I'm linking up with Jamie at This Kind Of Love for today's episode of:

I'm loving that my mom is coming to visit in 3 weeks, 1 day, 1 hour and 7 minutes.... but who's counting really

I miss her!!!!!

I'm Loving the new dance studio I joined today! I didn't realize how much I missed dance until I went tonight. SO MUCH FUN! woop! It's for people 16 and up too.. BONUS! check it out here! I'm hopin I can find a friend/drinkin buddy at one of my classes :-)

I'm Loving that my little Lily girl is growing so fast!!! I want her to be big! She's so stinkin cute but I'm ready for her to be a real dog. 

Finally, I'M LOVING and missing all my friends and family back home and in Arkansas. I think everyone should escape the heat and come visit me in Oregon where it's niiiiiiiiiice and cool!

Well that's all I got for now! What are you guys loving? Hope everyone has a great rest of the week!

xoxo

Fill in the blank Friday AND an award????!!!!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

I'm so honored Sarah passed on a blog award to me!!! WOOP! She is one of my sorority sisters and maybe is one of the funniest people I know. Definitely go check out her blog Peace, Love, & Sweet Tea!!!

So with this award I have to tell you 7 things about myself!!!!!

1. I care more about making other people happy than I do myself. Typically this ends up taking a huge toll on me emotionally but what can i say? I'm a pleaser :-)
2. I HATE HATE HATE being alone. It is rare than I am ever home alone. I will find anything to do before I have to sit at home alone.
3. I will probably end up being "that crazy dog lady" at some point in my life. I love pups. I want them all.
4. Yes it's true, I was at one point in my life OBSESSED with the Jonas Brothers. It's true I saw them 5 times in a 6 month period and temporarily stalked them. Guilty. But hey I've moved on from that stage of my life.
5. I couldn't go a whole day without my cell phone. It's to the point now where I check it without even realizing what I'm doing. It could be dead and I would still try to turn it on to see if I got a text or something. Sad.
6. I want to be successful in life more than anything. Not necessarily factored by money, but successful meaning happy, healthy, a family, a good home, etc. That kind of success :-)
7. I think my family should have it's own reality series. We are so F'ed up it's not even funny. Actually, it would probably be pretty funny to a TV audience.

Well that was fun!!

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NOW it's time to link up with http://thelittlethingswedo.blogspot.com/2011/08/fill-in-blank-friday.html for:

1.   My go to outfit for a dress-up occasion like a wedding is a dress duh?

2.  This week has been exhausting. I'm ready for a good weekend with my man.  

3.  When it's dinnertime and I'm feeling lazy I'll usually eat peanut butter. Just a spoonfull is so filling!

4.  My favorite pair of shoes are my slut slippers from Nine West that my mom got me before Vegas last year. They're so comfy but so sexy!!!

5.  A random item that I own that is completely unnecessary, but that I could never part with is my shake weight. Ha my brother bought it for me for my birthday last year as a joke. Well kind of, not really a joke, because he always makes fun of my arms and i mean ALWAYS. ha but i would never get rid of it!
6.  My favorite person is my grandma. Bobbie is a saint y'all. She spoils the shit out of me. She always is sending me little goodies and newspaper clippings of things. She gives the best advice and is a great listener. I love her so much. I need her to live forever!!!

7.  If I were going to write my own blank it would say What is your most embarrasing moment? I love hearing those stories from people. :-)

Ok y'all I'm out for the weekend!!! :-)

xoxo

Stupid.Sucky.Sunday.

Y'all. I'm dyin today. I haven't been this hungover since my college days. Granted that was only 8 months ago... but still. WHEN DID I GET SO OLD? I just can't hang like I used to. Yes I may have taken 3 whiskey shots last night along with a couple mixed drinks. But, I have consumed wayyyyyyyy more alcohol in a night before and been JUUUUUUST fine. Damn I miss college. Moral of the story: my body hates me today, i can't keep anything down, there isn't enough Gatorade in the world, and i look like ass. 

Moving right along. We finally got all of our things moved in and unpacked (sorta). There is a still a lot that needs to be done. The 3rd bedroom (man cave/office) is full of just crap. Pretty much everything we don't want to deal with has just been thrown in that poor room. I refuse to post pictures until it comes together a little bit more. But it's finally all starting to come together! I just need my momma to get her hiney up here and help me finish decorating :-) 

Alright y'all I'm starting to get that nauseous feeling again so I'm out! Have a great week!!!!

xoxo

I need a drinking buddy

Well guys, hate to say it but I'm just sittin here drinkin... alone. I need a drinkin buddy dammit. Nothing says loser like drinkin alone! Time to entertain myself with a little FILL IN THE BLANK FRIDAY!!!! I'm linkin up with Lauren to play along!

1.   One of my happiest moments ever was       the day I got lap-band surgery. It has had the most impact on my life today. Without that surgery I know I would be still be obese, unhappy, and unhealthy. I can't thank my parents enough for letting me get that operation done. It'll be 6 years next month!

There isn't anything cute about that big girl on the left side!!!

2.  Summer is wedding season and weddings are    a tear jerker. I cry at all of them I've been to. Oh my goodness I love them though! It's a girls dream really. 

3.  This summer     summer? what's summer? It's not even 80* here. I'm dying for some heat and a pool layout at. Girlfriend has lost her tan lines and I ain't happy bout it!

4.  My summer food of choice has been   cheese. My food of choice is always cheese. and ohhhh my how I miss me some chips and queso. I need Tex Mex back in my life!

5.  My summer uniform has been     dress pants, blouse, sweater=work clothes. gross! sick! 

6.  If I could spend the entire summer in one location I would choose      anywhere with my family and closest friends. Preferably somewhere warm, sunny, and with flowing alcohol. Can you tell I wanna go on a vacation?

7.  My summer anthem is  Dirt Road Anthem- Jason Aldean DUHHHH

HAPPY FRIDAY FRIENDS!!!

lily the terror!!!!!!

Reintroducing  LILY THE TERROR!!!! 

Now, don't let that sweet, precious, I wanna cuddle with you all night face fool you. THIS LITTLE GIRL IS A HANDFUL! Dogs are worse than children I have a feeling. (Can't really judge seeing as how I have no babies in my life) But I think Lily is the equivalent to a baby. I can't go 5 seconds without watching her that she is either into something, chewing, or peeing on the floor. UGH!!!  I will give her this: She now knows (due to my recent beatings i've given her) that peeing on the floor is bad. very bad. After I caught her squatting yesterday she immediately ducked her head and ran back to her kennel.   

Anyway, back to her being a terror. Tim is here until about 230 with the dogs. Now, I'm not exactly sure what happened today... I have a feeling he fell asleep without Lily being in her kennel. BUT, this is what I came home to today:

Please try not to be jealous of the beautiful air mattress ok!

and please pardon the crappy iphone quality pics

Yes, this was at one time a great rope toy that is now nothing but string thrown all over the bedroom. How does one do this??? PUPPY TEETH! I mean, big black Jack probably assisted a little bit in the act but come on dogs.. really? I picked up most of the chunks of string but I'm thinking I might leave the random strings for Tim to vacuum since I just vacuumed yesterday! ;-) Even after I yelled at her she still was like "eh whatever i'll keep chewin.

Yes, that is a shake weight. Special gift from my brother. 

 But yeah, Lily is a handful. Even Jack can't take her sometimes and has to put her in a head lock....

yup... that lily's entire neck he has in his mouth.

I'm looking forward to the days where she's out of this stupid puppy stage. I have to confess that even after all the early mornings and pee-pee pickups, I love the you-know-what out of this little girl!!!! Look how cute she was when she was too scared to jump off the air mattress!

See, I still love my puppy!

xoxo

lovey dovey stuff

So, I have to add to this and share it with everyone. After reading what one of my sisters Taylor posted in her blog I caught myself nodding my head saying "DANG GIRL YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT!!" So I just wanted to share what she had to say about love and relationships.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

"But, probably the question I get most often is, "How do you know you're in love?"

Truth is, I don't. Truth is, no body every really knows if they are "in love." The feeling is just too close of a feeling to others like, lust and infatuation.Many people have tried to describe how love feels. Some say it's like butterflies in your stomach, some say it's like being up in the clouds, and still others say it's like fireworks. Many people have tried to explain what love is. Some say love is holding on with all your might, some say love is letting go. With as many descriptions as we have today, not to mention all the songs, their is no way to know for sure whether or not you are in love...But as you would expect of me, I have thought very long and hard on, how I know I am in love.


 He's what I've come up with. You are in love if during your partner's lowest you don't think of them any less and during their highest you don't think of them any more. Meaning, the feeling you feel for them is the same in their time of giving and their time of receiving. You may like them more or less depending, but if the same root feeling (which I would argue is love) stays the same throughout, I believe you are in love.


Here's another thought.No body is perfect. No body. But, if you see another's flaws as part of why you "love" them, I think they are perfect for you. I do believe there is a "perfect" person out there for everyone. But, don't be mistaken, if you think someone is perfect for you and they don't think you are perfect for each other, then you are not meant to be, sorry. It is only when there is a mutual vision of perfection that two people are indeed meant for each other. 


Side note:Don't let yourself think you know better than God. He knows who you need to be with, he created both of you after all....if it doesn't workout then you just have to know you are 1 person closer to finding the one God has custom made for you. 


Bottom line:Love is something you have to evaluate for yourself. Nobody knows better than you if you are in love. Good luck." -GirlsWearPearls

• That's straight from her blog if you wanna follow her she has GREAT insights!!! After reading that I just could not agree more. Coming from a few pretty serious relationships I think there were times when I thought I was REALLY in love and knew what I wanted out of a relationship. Now, looking back on those failed relationships I see how it was either a different kind of love or I just thought I was in love with someone but really it was just a comfort feeling.

BUT:  Without those failed relationships I wouldn't have learned all that I have. It's because of those failed relationships that I have no doubt in my mind, 100% clarity that I found what true LOVE really is. It's the best feeling in the world to have that person in your life that you don't want to go a day without. The person you want to make yourself better for. The person that can bring you up when everything else around you is down. Your best friend. That's love and I got it!!!!! Thanks again to my sister Taylor for her great words!!!!! 

HAPPY HUMP DAY EVERYONE!!!

xoxo